March 18, 2004
tamil movies fascinate me. hardly because of the plot (plot, not plots. because it's always guy meets girl, girl's the villain's daughter, guy fights a few thugs, and marries the girl), but more so the nitty-gritty details, which the movie producers frequently overlook.
1. the actors
if you were to perceive tamil movies with a little more awareness, you'll see that in many of the movies the same actors and actresses are recycled. same thing with tamil dramas. mr gopal the immaculate family man of 2.30pm may easily become mr raja the village terrorist in the next program at 3.00pm. it gets confusing for the indiscriminate viewer of tamil dramas. in movies, you'll notice that certain actors keep reappearing, for the same damn role over and over and over again. it's like they've created a niche for themselves in the tamil movie industry. there's a man who's become a professional at what he does. not acting, but turning to his accomplice to give a feeble, slightly remorseful (it's hard to describe, he's THAT good) look whenever the hero admonishes their boss. then there's the elderly village lady who acts as the spokesperson for her village. she's the one getting interviewed with a baby in her arm, complaining about the ministers who never heed their complaints. i swear i've seen the same woman doing the same thing in about 7 or 8 movies.
2. the dances
now where in the blue hell do all those dancers come from, seriously. i mean ok, maybe you want to argue about artistic license. even if we do grant you that the least you could do is make the dancing look good. half the time the actors seem like they're having dry-sex. but, they NEVER kiss. and the dance steps are so completely third rate it's a menace to society. i can just imagine the choregrapher telling his actors, 'ok first you prance here and JUMP. then you prance... over here, and JUMP. then you bring your hands here... no, here. HERE. yes. trust me, i've been doing this crap for years. yes, then you JUMP. ok, excellent.' once in a while, they like to experiment a bit. they make the colour of the plump actress' clothes change as she's dancing, using some sort of video effects. bizarre.
3. the fights
they waste so much money breaking things. i remember once some hero grabbed a thug and threw him down the stairs - not
along the stairs but really from second floor to first floor the quickest way possible - and against a chandelier which smashed to pieces. now even if the chandelier was made of chalk there was no reason to smash a fine looking thing like that. and not to mention risk the poor bugger's life. mind you, in tamil movies, there are no stunt men. just people who really really need the money. and they do anything to earn some cash. it's exploitation at it's most cruel and painful best, because the brighter side of me reckons they don't have any insurance.
4. double acts
it's not funny, no longer amusing, and quite irritating. the use of double-acts, that is using the same actor for 2, or more, different roles in a movie, is rampant. the first time someone decided to do it, i gotta say it was pretty cool. but after that it was hackneyed by movie directors too eager to impress. i mean imagine the torture the actors have to go through. heck, i know of a DRAMA which had some poor dud doing double acting. and dramas are aired daily. he must have had a traumatised life. and a possible severe identity crisis.
5. endings
the endings more often than not occur in temples, with the hero marrying the heroine. it's usually the same happy ending in most cases. which really annoys me. i hate happy endings.
the end.
1:01 AM
March 16, 2004
i had a dream of you last night. it was you, but not your face. you had your driving license and we drove to our hotel room. when we got down, i had my arm around your shoulder. it felt strange yet comfortable; i don't remember ever doing that. i had to go to the washroom, and did. but there i saw a girl who tempted me. she was naked and very pretty, and she called me over. i did have sex with her, but i was thinking of you the whole way. did it help? i never knew. cos i never saw you again.
11:46 PM
i received an email today from my cousin. another typical 'why women are better than men in every possible way' crapshit mail. i decided that since i had the time, i would respond to it. it was entitled 'Reasons Why Men Should Worship Women.'
1. Without women you will not be here today.
- hello? without men, you won't either.
2. Worship women, anyone who is a woman. Cos every woman is like your mum,
don't rape a woman, unless u'r willing to rape ur own mum.
- so a reason men should worship women, is because we should worship women. anyone who is a woman.
3. Women are superior to men, bcos u need more than 40 million sperms to
fertilize an ovum/egg. Guys, thats quantity, not quality!!!!!!!!
- you cheap sluts take anything that comes your way, so don't complain. by the way, you only need one to actually fertilise an egg. that's how we get singular humans.
4.Sperms are 75 000 times smaller than ovums.
- that's cos good things come in small packages.
5. Females have two x chromosomes, which carry genes. Males have only one x
chromosome, and this x chromosomes come from ur mother only.
- ha, but we have a y chromosome which you don't have! in yer face, bitch!
6. X chromosomes bears over 2 500 genes, Y carries only 15. U have 2 485
genes less than a female.
- yeah, but we got dicks.
7. A male is a biological accident. Y(male) gene is an incomplete X(female)
gene.
- it's not incomplete, it's alternative.
8. In other words, the male is an incomplete female, thus a walking
abortion.
- yet it is this walking abortion that impregnates and creates 'complete' females. we've got more completeness in us than you could ever DREAM of.
9. From health statistics, in the past 50 years, average volume of
ejaculate declined by 20%, and sperm quality is dropping.
- cos higher authorities realised that females started drinking cum, and regulated the flow of semen in men. lower quality because men are adaptable.
10. There is a greater % of deformed and sluggish sperms.
- cos women no longer need good quality.
11. Women are multi talented. They r now full time career women, and yet
they can still run a household. Guys on the other hand come home from work,
and complain.
- haha, go ahead whine. i don't have to reason out on this one.
12. Women have a higher threshold of pain, thats why GOD gave us the power
to give birth and bring life into this world.
- if you read the bible, (not that i'm christian) it says that the pain of child-bearing was a curse upon women for eating some forbidden thing. so there, you're cursed, really. and also, eve was made from the rib of adam.
13. Women have a longer life expectancy.
- good on you.
14. Young men run a much greater risk than young women from dying of
accidents and violence.
- speeding on a motorbike, knitting. tell me which is higher risk.
15. MEN are dumb, u r so interested in the females breasts, IT'S ONLY a
LUMP of FAT.
- great, then lop them off.
16. Females are highly specialised beings, we have two openings for
pleasure and urine excerition. U guys only have ONE urethra where both
sperm and urine passes. Twisted Evil.
- exactly. and guess whose hole it all ends up in. and btw, it's excretion.
17. And for ur extra info, urine is acidic, which makes it an unsuitable
condition for sperm.
- we have no NEED for sperm. so it's your loss.
18. In the brain, testosterone is converted to estrogen, to bring about its
stimulatory effects. SO listen up guys, the male hormone has to be changed
into the female hormone to bring about masculinizing effects. Ur not so
macho without female hormones.
- wrong. testosterone AND estrogen both have brain stimulating effects. when testosterone changes into estrogen in the brain, it's got nothing to do with the masculine aspect of testosterones, it's merely to stimulate brain activity.
19. Ur mitochondria ( energy source) comes from ur mother not ur father. UR
more female than u think!!!!
- woa.. relax, babe.
20. Males only have testosterone and a little quantity of estrogen as sex
hormones. Females have more, we have estrogen, progesterone and
testosterone. Mind u we have more testosterone than u have of our estrogen.
- hell, that explains it.
21. There is a higher level of fatility in male foetuses.
- it's all your fault, you're the one carrying them around.
22. The Y chromosomes of males is smaller than the X chromosome which is a
female.
- ok, thanks.
23. Every male is part of a female, as u carry our X chromosomes. Thus,
Every male is 50% female.
- and 50% male. which makes us 50% better.
24. Although females are the ones who give birth and concieve, more males
are likely to have a break down during pregnancy of their spouses. U GUYS R
WEAK, we go through the pain, and u cry more than we do.
- fine, hit us where it hurts. you still depend on us during your maternity leave.
25. Before u r born a male, u r a female first for the first 12 weeks in
ur mothers womb.
- yeah, bummer.
26. Behind every successful man, there is a woman. BUT behind every
successful woman, is herself.
- nonsense.
27. The males have bigger brains than women. But WOMEN use a higher % of
their brains than men.
- if we have larger brains, we don't need to use a higher percentage to be more cerebrally-enhanced.
28. Women have lower risks of high cholesterol levels, than males, all
thanks to our monthly periods. So women be thankful that we menstruate.
- worship women cos they bleed from their chambers.
29. Many males out there keep asking for virgin brides. Honestly if u want
a virgin bride, than (sic) be a virgin urself. Don't carry STD's and give it to
ur virgin bride. She doesn't deserve it.
- again, worship the one you transmit STDs to.
30. There are more good looking females out there than males. You can't
count the number of extremely pretty women, its countless ( Cindy Crawford,
Aishwarya Rai, Elle Macpherson, Julia Roberts, Jeniffer
Lopez........). how many males can u list???
Only two in my list ( my da d & Brad Pitt).
- i'll do all of you a favour and open this one to the floor. ladies, feel free.
31. U find pleasure in superficial stuff ( Pamela Anderson is plastic and
make up)
- you turn yourselves into superficial stuff.
ok, done. but first, here's an anecdote of something i encountered on the bus, on my way to town on sunday.
guy: hey, i'm very scared now leh. you know what i read in the papers today?
girl: huh? why? what happened?
guy: you know i read that a can of coke, contains 700 to 800 calories leh. that's like equivalent to a bowl of beef noodles leh.
girl: huh? serious? so many calories? is it because of all the gas?
12:18 AM
March 13, 2004
it's been more than 2 weeks since i last blog. usually if you're caught in the middle of doing something, and want to go back, they tell you to start from the beginning. so, i'm gonna start from what happened most recently. yesterday roger had his farewell party at sentosa. it didn't seem like a very emotional affair or something, bizarre considering this might be the last time some of us ever get to see him, ever again. there was the usual case of alcohol induced humour, alcohol induced strip-sessions, and alcohol induced kenji tan. the last of the three being the most significant. a drunken kenji is the life of any party, i swear. for his own sake i won't delve into details. but the funniest bit would be our interpretation of kenji lying on the grass puking and looking like he was in agony. and then how he prostrated in front of yuhao, roger and myself at one point, and told us to take pictures of him. later he got so wasted he couldn't bear to hear the mention of alcohol at all, at which point yuhao and i began discussing the various ways in which whiskey can be consumed. the next morning kenji was awake, but still felt queasy. so yuhao and i recommended that he drink some milk, and suck on whipped cream till he felt better. haha. but kenji didn't listen to us and ended up eating a chicken pie. bastard. oh crap, forgot, no details...
but it was an emotional affair. the party was the culminating point in all of our relationships with roger. and at least subconsciously all of us probably felt it. i know i did. especially since roger poon and i share something you hardly find between people today. he's a cool fella lah, pai. sigh, and i think i'm gonna miss him. roger poon, you're one heck of a fella.
Yesterday was a million years ago
In all my past lives I played an asshole
Now I found you, it's almost too late
And this earth seems obliviating
We are trembling in our crutches
High and dead our skin is glass
I'm so empty here without
I crack and split my xerox hands
I know it's the last day on earth
We'll be together while the planet dies
I know it's the last day on earth
We'll never say goodbye
The dogs slaughter each other softly
Love burns it's casualties
We are damaged provider modules
Spill the seeds at our children's feet
I'm so empty here without you
I know they want me dead
I know it's the last day on earth
marilyn manson - the last day on earth
9:10 PM
