January 20, 2004

here's something interesting: did you notice that there isn't a single black manager in the EPL?

there was jean tigana who almost took Fulham to Europe last year, but he got sacked following a run of poor form. other managers who had been able to avoid the sack following a poor run include gerard houllier, micky adams and graeme souness, among others. all of whom, as you may have noticed, are white. the other remnant of a black manager in the EPL, was ruud gullit. he was sacked by Chelsea in 1998 and the reason the board gave for this was that Ruud was 'acting like a playboy'. Ruud then moved to Newcastle where he famously proclaimed that he liked to play 'sexy football'. soon after, he was sacked by Newcastle, who got a 70 year old white man with wet dribbling on his lips as a replacement. what, a black man can't want to be sexy?

you see, these managers like buying black players. because they get to shout at them. make them run. tire them out. stuff like that. first thing bobby robson did as manager was to buy jermaine jenas. because he wanted to shout at him. alex ferguson thought it would be funny to put two black players up front together, so he bought andy cole and dwight yorke. then he realised that they were doing well together, and that it wasn't very funny anymore. so he sold them both. then graeme souness comes along and buys them both and puts them up front together again, thinking it would be very funny.

rio ferdinand. he's black too. and that's why he got 8 months. and rio knows it. that's why he didn't want to appeal. but man utd still thinks he's white. so they've gone ahead and lodged an appeal.

and the FIFA world player of the year award. everyone thought thierry henry was going to win the award this year. but thierry ain't winning nothing, he's black. they gave the award to zidane again. cos he's whiter than ronaldo.

the next time you watch a football game, think before you scream at wiltord for missing another sitter. it's really not his fault. he's tired. overworked, and underpaid.

5:37 PM

there was a boy who tried to rhyme
so hard he tried he had no time
to thank the ones who gave him tips
on how to end.

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